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27 May 2014 @ 03:49 pm
ahem... erm.. Hi?  
Heyyyyy... I am not even sure who's out there anymore... but if you're reading this, then maybe you remember me, for some odd reason. I am not really that memorable, in my opinion, but I like to think certain stories become memorable, and maybe you remember my stories. And that's a good thing, I think.

The last time I posted here was nearly two years ago.

To keep it short, simple, and with as little detail as I can possibly manage; my life has done a complete 180.

I didn't really go into too much detail about my life before, not really. I made things look sunny on the outside with optimism and smiles, but a lot of it wasn't. Anyone who's had to make sacrifices in their lives before know that covering up the pain sometimes makes it easier to deal with. At least, that's what we all think. I was not happy. I was dying on the inside that I wasn't enough... that I wasn't worth it to someone to try to take care of. That I couldn't keep up with the house cleaning, or the laundry, or the cooking, because I was the one working three jobs trying to keep us alive. I had to visit a local church for charity to pay our rent for us, and I had to get food from their donated food bank. It was the lowest feeling I've ever experienced in my life, and it made me ache that people go through this type of poverty and pain regularly, without a light at the end of the tunnel. I started smoking cigarettes to deal with the stress, because it gave me something that was mine, and mine alone. (I'm NOT saying it was a smart idea). I was emotionally torn down on a daily basis by words that were said to me "without conscious recall," but were still said, and still hurt. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse, because you can't always see it coming.

It's been two years since I felt that way. I made a very hard decision to get a divorce and in the process I did find happiness and relief. I am now the mother of a fantastic, beautiful little boy; his daddy is an amazing man that I met through a very rough time in my life and who chose to keep hanging around me even though I was a basket case through all my stress that year with the divorce happening and what-not. But he reminds me daily how much he loves me, and he takes care of me, of us, with as much respect and compassion as I could have ever hoped for.

Through all of this, I went from being as strong as I could be, to being weakened by my own self doubt and trampled self-esteem, to being lifted back up on my feet so I could learn to be strong again. My story is a harsh one, able to be read as both a villain and a valiant martyr, depending on which end you look at it. I think that's true with most stories... you have to choose your perspective.

Well, at any rate... there you have it. It's been an absolute roller coaster over the last two years, and with a seven-month-old baby on my hip, I have a hard time finding any extra time to write. I am sorry to admit that I haven't touched either the McTavishams or Spanish Lullaby in over a year, at best. I have tons of plans for them, but for now, they have to wait. At least until I'm out of the baby/toddler stage. Then, who knows! Maybe you'll see a familiar chapter or two in your nearest bookstore ;)

Lastly, thank you. Thank you, to whoever is reading this. Thank you for having read my writing in the past. Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

<33 Christi
(Anonymous) on May 27th, 2014 10:29 pm (UTC)
Yay for your life turning around! I can relate to the choices you had to make. ~ Sleepycat
the_mctavishamsthe_mctavishams on May 28th, 2014 04:37 pm (UTC)
Re: awesome
Thank you :)
Infinity Goddessinfinitygoddess on May 28th, 2014 12:03 am (UTC)
I'm glad you're doing well. Life sure happens to fuck us all over at some point or another, but in the end it all works out. :)
the_mctavishamsthe_mctavishams on May 28th, 2014 04:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I appreciate that :)
Vandinuriel on May 28th, 2014 04:36 am (UTC)
It's good to hear from you. Sounds like you've made some tough decisions, but they turned out for the better. I firmly believe that a person has to be their own number one priority, and when things get to the point where we can no longer handle them, stepping back is the only option.

I'm glad things have improved so much for you since your last activity. Congratulations on the baby! :) As for your writing, I'm happy to read it in any form whenever you get around to it--old stuff, new stuff, rehashed stuff, anything. I'm glad you're now in a place that, once you have the time, will nurture and support your talents.
the_mctavishamsthe_mctavishams on May 28th, 2014 04:39 pm (UTC)
Aww thanks Van, that means a lot coming from you!
ms. alexia lustra or leslie if ya know me ;-): my mangaalexia_lustra on May 28th, 2014 09:06 am (UTC)
hi christi, i'm leslie a long time reader (albeit not much of a commenter) of the mctavishams.

i just wanna say i can empathize with everything you went through. & i'm very happy that things have improved for you. right now i'm struggling through a marriage where i am more or less the sole financial provider. i've had rent paid & food given by a church i don't even attend numerous times. utilities are always just about to get cut off. & if those stresses weren't enough we have marital issues that range for lack of affection to old trust issues due to his cheating. exhausting, BUT things for us have improved some.

still reading your post was like reading my life. thank you for posting it. & again i'm so glad things are better for you.
the_mctavishamsthe_mctavishams on May 28th, 2014 04:48 pm (UTC)
I remember you, Leslie! Thank you for your support. I hope things get better for you, I remember being in that position all too clearly and it sucks. Everyone's situation is different, as well as everyone's beliefs - but I truly think that a marriage should be a union and partnership, not a one-way street. Complacency has no place in any sort of relationship - it deserves daily maintenance and nourishment, and when one or both parties start to lose that, something needs to change. In my case, my ex was unwilling to change or help himself get better, and after struggling with my own misgivings for three years, I had to step back. Once I made that decision, I found I was happier with a group of people I'd barely just met than I had been in my marriage for the last few years, and that's saying something. That realization helped me make my decision. I don't like hurting people... in fact I have this weird complex that I always have to be liked, and I've had to deal with being viewed as the "bad guy" through all of this, but it was the right decision for me, and I'm in a much better place emotionally, mentally, and physically than I've been in a long time. :) ::hugs:: Take care.

Edited at 2014-05-28 04:49 pm (UTC)
Yuichencutler_legacy on May 28th, 2014 10:43 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you found happiness after going through all of that, you deserve it. Congrats on the baby! *huggles*
the_mctavishamsthe_mctavishams on May 30th, 2014 08:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks UYS :) ::huggles::
ღஐƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒஐღmiss_nyxie on May 29th, 2014 03:15 am (UTC)
So glad to see you again!! So exciting about your son; babies are a lot of work but so worth it.

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce and the events leading up to it. My ex-husband left me for another woman when our son was just over a year old. It was hard and horrible but my life now is better than it ever could have been if we had stayed together.

I hope to read more of your stories someday soon, I'll be waiting patiently for any and all updates. :)
the_mctavishamsthe_mctavishams on May 30th, 2014 08:26 pm (UTC)
Aww Nyx!! I've missed you. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, but I'm glad you're happier. Funny how things that seem so bad have a way of working out for the better sometimes.

I'm sure you know (since don't you have two kids? Am I remembering incorrectly?) that finding the time to write is definitely a challenge right now (he's almost 8 months old). But when I do get around to it, I will let you know :)
ღஐƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒஐღmiss_nyxie on June 1st, 2014 01:10 am (UTC)
Thanks. My divorce was 8 years ago so I'm pretty much over it. I've been with my current husband for 6 years now and my life is seriously so much better than it would have been. My ex did me a huge favor back then honestly.

Yes, I have two boys, 9 and 2. It's a total handful.
Carlasullivansims on May 30th, 2014 11:14 pm (UTC)
I remember you and your stories! :D

I am sorry to read that you've had such a tough time since we last heard from you but I am thrilled beyond belief that you've found happiness again! That is wonderful - congratulations on your little boy!
murrealismmurrealism on June 2nd, 2014 07:43 am (UTC)
Hi, one of the many lurkers here! I for sure remember you, I have thought about your stories every now and then and every time I use that blond ponytail... Nice to see shits working out.
Shawnafrizzwhispers on June 12th, 2014 12:27 am (UTC)
I have a 7-month-old baby girl, so I totally get the whole baby/toddler stage and the time it consumes. :)

I'm glad to hear that you took care of yourself, and while I would love to see more of the McTavishams someday, I totally understand that real life is more important. Good luck!
(Anonymous) on August 1st, 2014 06:09 am (UTC)
omg omg.
I'm someone who discovered your story a year or two ago, probably around the time of your last post... I was thinking about sim stories earlier and dropped in not expecting an update. After the way things were sounding, it's wonderful that your life seems to be much improved now.

Looking forward to more updates in the future. (You know, I almost forgot about Claire's blushing. As someone with the -exact- same problem I'm still amazed to this day that someone actually wrote a character with it. You can't imagine how much I relate. Hopefully, even though this is a few months late, now I actually have the chance for you to see me say this: thank you. :))
(Anonymous) on August 12th, 2014 02:15 am (UTC)
So glad you are doing well!
Hi, Christi.

I'm a long time lurker, just decided to check your account. I am really happy to hear that you are doing so much better. You really weren't in a healthy situation and I am glad you got out of it. You deserve to be loved by somebody who really can be a partner and loves you back. Congrats on your kiddo! Take your time, we will be here checking on you now and then. I love your stories and the world you created. Thank you for sharing your writing with us!

(no subject) - cyrus23178 on November 16th, 2016 11:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)